I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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