so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
