THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
