you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
