I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
