turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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