Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
