My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
