oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
