Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
