We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
