you didnt know i had herpes?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
