I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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