Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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