Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Blood and glitter go together right?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
