Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
