I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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