Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
