The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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