There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
