i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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