You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
