I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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