My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
