She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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