I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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