Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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