The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
