my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's never too late to be topless.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
