after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
