When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
