all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
