mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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