I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
