I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
