And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
