Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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