Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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