wakey wakey hands off snakey
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
