I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
