I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
