we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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