hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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