The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
