it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i believe in u and ur pee
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
