my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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