Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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