I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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