i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
