okay pat passed out under dana's car
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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