Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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