I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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